


The Interdimensional Adventures of Master E

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work, The Interdimensional Adventures of Master E
Genre: Apocalypse, Arcs, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, Bracelets with an Unreasonable Amount of Power, Drinking, Drug Use, Episode Style, Female Friendships, Fictional drugs, Gen, High Intelligence, Inter-dimensional travel, Low Wisdom, Mad Scientists, Magic, Master E is a Dumbass, No Romance, Parties, Portals, Shapeshifting, dimension hopping, no ships, science!!!, soft science fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21566581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Actress Tina Jessen is swept up into a world of bizarre antics when a mad scientist named Master E crashes her party, blows up her house and takes her away to live in a pocket dimension. Master E declares Tina her new companion and together they go on all sorts of adventures! They battle the evil inter-dimensional government, stop apocalypses,  meet all kinds of wacky characters and have a great time! I hope you also have a great time.
Relationships: Master E & Tina Jessen
Kudos: 1





	1. Party Crashers

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time posting to this website. Please be kind!

Tires screeched as a yellow Volkswagen bus pulled up in front of a beautiful mansion in the affluent neighborhood of Rushington Heights. A young woman spilled out of the bus and began to walk confidently toward the party happening inside the mansion. 

The mysterious woman wasn’t dressed for a party of this caliber. In fact, her outfit, (a lime green t-shirt and dark purple leggings) seemed to scream, “I DON’T BELONG HERE!”. She only wore two pieces of jewelry, a blue bracelet on her left wrist and a white ring on the middle finger of her right hand. Not that she seemed to mind as she strode through the crowd, throwing finger guns at party-goers who looked at her as if she were a drowned rat in their champagne. 

The woman entered the house after performing a complicated magic trick for the guard, who let her through on the grounds that she “didn’t look like a serial killer”. She inspected the mansion, which was far too much like a Barbie Dreamhouse for her tastes, and leaned up against one wall as she waited for the food to be served. 

Meanwhile, inside a lavishly decorated bedroom, Tina Jessen was busy getting changed into a floor-sweeping dark blue dress which she was sure would dazzle the crowd. As she came down the grand staircase to greet her guests, however, she noticed that one thing was out of place, namely a woman about her age who was not upholding the black-tie dress code, leaning against a wall next to the golden double doors. 

Tina marched over to the woman, who pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose and smiled at her. 

“Who are you and what are you doing here?” Tina asked tightly. Her guests would surely begin to complain that some...some hooligan had invaded their party. 

“I am Master E and I’m here to eat your food and drink your booze, as well as generally cause some havoc.” Master E said. 

Tina’s brow furrowed. “Well, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” She said sharply, turning away.   
“Yeah, no. You’re going to let me stay here for as long as I want.” 

“Why would I ever do that?” 

“Because I’m a mad scientist from another dimension and I’m can easily destroy you with the push of a button.” 

Tina raised one eyebrow skeptically. 

“How nice!” She said in a high pitched voice. “Now let’s get you out of here!” 

Tina began to shove Master E but Master E was fast and spun around Tina to a table laden with food. Once there, she winked at the actress, as if to say “You will never beat me.” 

“URGH!” Tina stalked over to Master E, who was currently eating a piece of a California roll. 

Tina angrily pointed to the doors. “LEAVE!” 

“Wow, you’re not being very nice to your guest of honor!” Master E said sarcastically. 

“You are not my guest! And you’re certainly not honorable. This party is for fancy people and I highly doubt you qualify!” Tina said. 

“Listen up, you unimportant little human being. I am much more well known than anybody here. I am much richer than any human here. I am the one you should be trying desperately to impress with fancy parties and hundred-dollar bottles of wine, not these Earth schmucks. So, go on and bow to their stupid suits and ties and silk dresses that cost more than my entire wardrobe, but they aren’t and never will be able to do a fraction of the things I’ve managed to accomplish in ten years. And I’ll tell you another thing, Tina Jessen, your life doesn’t matter at all in the grand scheme of the universe. With all the dimensions branching off into one another, there are infinite Tina Jessens and infinite Master Es, and they’re all sitting here having this very conversation about how little all of your friends matter. So yes, Tina Jessen, I will have fries with that!” With this confusing final line, Master E rushed over to a server carrying a tray laden with wine glasses and grabbed one. 

“What was the point of that?” Tina asked. “Other than to make me feel small and unimportant.” 

“Pretty much the whole point was to make you feel small and unimportant.” Master E said, taking a sip of the wine. “Woo! Forgot I was on Earth for a second there! Holy shit, this stuff is strong!” 

“That’s Moscato d’Asti.” Tina stared at her. “One of the weakest wines I could find.” 

Master E didn’t appear to hear her. “I need to sit down.” She clutched at her head. 

“Nope! I’m not putting up with any more of this crap! GUARDS!” 

Master E grinned at Tina. “You have guards? Like, actual guards? Are they going to come down and lock me in the dungeon for impish tomfuckery?” She laughed loudly. 

“How did you get this drunk from one sip of wine? Actually, you know what? Never mind. Just get out of here!” Tina grabbed Master E and was about to forcefully move her out of the house when Master E suddenly dropped to the floor and dragged Tina down with her. 

“What are you doing?” Tina asked, about to get up. 

“No. Stay down.” Master E’s voice was deadly serious. “Those two guys over there aren’t guests.” 

“Neither are you!” Tina protested. 

“Shut up. Those are members of the IDP.” 

“IDP? What are you even talking about?” Tina asked, confused. 

“The Inter-dimensional Peacekeepers. They’re an evil organization that’s been hunting me for years, trying to get the jump on me! But they never will! I’m always three steps ahead! Except for right now, when I’m zero steps ahead. I need you to go over there and distract them!” 

“And why should I help you when you’ve been nothing but a nuisance and a thorn in my side from the moment you came here?” 

“Because if the IDP get wind that you’re harboring a dangerous criminal, they’ll consider you an accomplice and take you down with me!” 

“Ugh. Fine!” Tina came out from behind the table she and Master E had hidden behind and walked over to the men. 

The pair of agents were, without a doubt, extremely handsome. They had short, dark hair and tan skin, amazing jawlines and smoldering brown eyes. Somehow, though, there was something creepy about them. Tina couldn’t quite place it but she certainly didn’t have time to worry about it now. 

“What are you doing here?” Tina asked in her most annoyed voice. She was an actress after all; she knew how to do these things. 

The men turned around to face her. “We have tracked a highly dangerous and unstable criminal to this location.” They spoke in near-perfect unison, with one always a beat behind. 

“Oh, really?” Tina asked. “Who?” 

“A mad scientist known as Elizabeth Vonham Smith AKA Master E.” The men replied. They never smiled, Tina noticed, and their mouths hardly moved when they spoke.

Was this woman really so dangerous as to have agents from some shady interdimensional law enforcement group following her? 

“What did she do?” Tina asked, partly to buy Master E some time, partly because she was curious. 

“Elizabeth Vonham Smith is charged with the operation of an unauthorized pocket dimension, meddling in timelines under IDP control, disobeying our leader, Red, and theft of pens and Post-It notes from the IDP supply closet!” 

“Oh, really?” Tina was about to say something else but her words were lost behind the sound of cutlery and wine glasses being knocked to the floor. Master E had climbed onto a table. 

“Ladies and gentlemen!” Master E shouted over the confusion of the party guests. “I am here to blow up this entire house! If you are not an IDP agent, you are free to run for your life! If you are, well, good luck to you. I can be very hard to spot at times. Now, everybody, kindly exit downstage left!” 

If Master E had been trying to cause a panic, she had undoubtedly succeeded. Fancy party guests, heiresses, actors, and professional sports stars stampeded for the door. Tina had to push them out of the way to avoid being crushed. 

“You! Lady! Catch!” Tina barely figured out that Master E was talking to her before she saw a key flying towards her. She nabbed it out of the air and looked up at Master E for further guidance. 

If this is who I’m looking to for guidance, I must be crazy. Tina thought. 

Master E screamed over the din. “My car’s a yellow Volkswagen bus! You’ll find it!” She hopped off the table and joined the escaping crowd. 

Tina ran out the double doors and down the steps of the house, holding her skirt above her feet so she wouldn’t trip and feeling a little like Cinderella. 

She spotted Master E’s yellow Volkswagen and ran over to it. Master E herself came running up to her a moment later. 

“Give me the key!” She shouted. 

Tina handed it over. Master E unlocked the car and they got into it. Master E started the car and began rummaging around in the glovebox. “Come on! I know I have a spare in here somewhere...here it is!” She extracted a blue metal bracelet, opened a window and threw it out. 

“What are you doing?” Tina asked. She’s crazy. I was right all along. She’s insane and I’m trapped in a bus with her. 

The bracelet landed on a clear stretch of road and sat there for a minute. 

“I’m doomed!” Tina cried. 

“Stop being so melodramatic.” Master E said. 

“Melodramatic? We’re about to die! This is dramatic!” Tina screamed. 

“Calm down. We’re not going to die! We’re going to escape!” Master E drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. 

“How?” Tina asked, panic apparent in her voice. 

“Watch the bracelet.” Master E said. Tina looked out the front window of the van. The bracelet was growing. It was the size of a basketball now. It kept growing and light began to crackle and wisp within it. 

Master E threw the van into reverse and backed up, then pressed the gas pedal down. Tina’s chest pushed against the seatbelt. 

“Brace yourself!” Master E yelled as she drove towards the portal. Tina gripped the sides of her seat as she watched Master E’s eyes grow wide and manic. Tina squeezed her own eyes shut and braced for impact. Surely they were gonna hit something soon. 

Tina felt the van dip downwards and then they were falling. 

“You can open your eyes now.” Tina heard Master E say. Tina opened her eyes and looked out the window of the van. 

“Where am I?” She asked. She seemed to be drifting through space. Except there were no stars and everything was a violent shade of lime green. 

“Wormhole.” Master E said. She wasn’t driving; her hands weren’t on the wheel. “It’s the only way to get home.” 

“What do you mean by home? I seem to recall you blowing my house to smithereens.” 

“We’re going to my house, genius. You see, I can say that because I actually am a genius. Anyway, I live just a few light-years south of here. The wormhole we’re in will take us there.” Master E leaned back in her seat. 

“Where do you live anyway?” Tina asked. She was getting tired of this woman, this “Master E” not telling her anything. 

“Pocket dimension.” Master E said, not looking up. 

“How does that even work?” Tina asked. 

“I made it by collapsing a dimensional rift and exploiting a rip in space-time.” 

“Okay, but who are you?” 

“I’m a mad scientist from another dimension. I already told you that.” 

“Yeah, but what were you doing at my party?” 

“I was bored. Don’t you ever get bored, Tina Jessen?” 

“Okay, so let’s say I’ve gone insane and I actually believe all of this crap you’re spewing: why did you take me with you and leave everyone else?” Tina began to look around the van to avoid meeting Master E’s gaze. 

“I don’t know. Maybe I’m sleep deprived, maybe I’m drunk on that wine you gave me-” 

“I didn’t give you that wine! You took it off a tray!” 

“Whatever the reason,” Master E continued on as if Tina hadn’t spoken. “I have a feeling about you.” 

“Okay, yeah, because kidnapping someone based on a “feeling” is totally going to hold up in court.” 

“Look, I don’t want to fight you anymore. For one thing, I’m tired and I tend to get a bit loopy when I get tired. For another thing, I need a new companion since Lisa...passed the gate...and you’re human and you seem sensible enough to keep me on my toes.” 

“Look, crazy, I don’t care about whatever mad scientist shenanigans you want to involve me in. I just want to go home.” 

“I blew up your house. You can’t go home unless I kill a you from another dimension and you take over her life, but of course, that would make you thrice over-indebted to me.” Master E paused, considering the possibility. “I mean, that actually sounds pretty good to me.” 

Tina was horrified. “I am not letting you kill me from another dimension! I don’t want to have to look at my own corpse!” 

“It’s fine! Also, the fact that that’s your number one concern just proves to me you’re selfish.” 

“I am not selfish!” 

“Of course you are. All humans are selfish. Hell, all beings with a fraction of intelligence are selfish. I’m selfish, you’re selfish, everybody’s selfish. Get over it.” 

“Are you going to be like this the whole time?” 

“Like what?” 

“An asshole. You’re being an asshole.” Tina said haughtily. She began to look around the van to avoid meeting Master E’s gaze. It was a mess. There were candy wrappers under the seats and empty bottles in the cupholders. There was no radio and where one would have been there was a complex selection of knobs and buttons. Some of the buttons had icons on them. One had a picture of corn on the cob, while another had an image of a star and still another said simply “Do not push.” 

Master E tightened her grip on a fidget toy she had found under the seat and stared ahead at the green void outside the windshield. 

They both sat there in silence. Neither wanted to blink first. 

Master E turned to Tina and opened her mouth like she was about to say something, then she closed it. She mumbled something. 

“What was that?” Tina asked. 

“Mmmduhfuckyou.” 

“Oh, real mature.” 

“Come on, you can’t call me an asshole and expect me not to retaliate.” Master E smirked at Tina. 

“Ugh, you’re insufferable!” Tina threw her hands above her head in anger. 

“You haven’t the faintest idea of how insufferable I can be, Tina Jessen.” She smiled.

Tina sighed. “If you want me to stay with you, you’re going to have to start being a little bit nicer. Despite your threats, I highly doubt you would hurt me, given that it sounds like you really need me to be your “companion” or whatever and this is going to suck for both of us if you’re going to be a dick!” 

“Tina, I-” And she was about to apologize, to admit that she had been a jackass and that she tended to drive people away with her bizarre antics and odd behavior, to say that she, Master E, mad scientist from another dimension, was sorry to Tina Jessen, trashy movie actress from Earth. She had almost cracked when the green void parted like a curtain and the van landed safely on the ground outside Master E’s mansion. 

Master E opened the door on her side and got out of the van. Tina pushed the door open on the other side and also got out. It was at that moment that Tina got her first look at Master E’s house, a giant mansion painted white with columns out front and a unicorn fountain. 

“Come on. I’m tired.” Master E motioned for Tina to follow her into the house. She followed her across the lawn and up the stairs leading onto the porch. There was no knob and no doorbell outside the house, just a small gray box with a red button on it. Master E pressed the red button. 

“Patty, let me in!” She said in a tone that conveyed that even through this was all her fault, she was still annoyed and tired.   
“Have you come to your senses?” A feminine voice crackled through the gray box. 

“I’m never to my senses, Patty. You should know this. You’re my mother.” 

“Your mother?” Tina’s brow wrinkled in confusion. 

Master E ignored her and tried a different approach. “I’m tired and I promise I’ll get a good night’s sleep tonight.” 

The voice crackled back again. “Not even if the second season of Super Ultra Goblin Smasher Extreme comes out?” 

Master E sighed. “Not even then.” 

“Okay, fine. You can come in.” The doors slid open like the doors of an elevator and Master E and Tina stepped inside. 

“Come on. I’ll show you which room’s yours.” Master E lead Tina upstairs and down the hall past several other doors until they reached a door painted a shade of pale pink. Master E pushed it open. 

Tina couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Inside this room was her room. Her bedroom from her old house. Pink bed, pink carpet, pink curtains. Tina couldn’t believe it. She looked over at Master E. 

“Did you do this for me?” Tina asked. 

“Yeah. Like I said, I had a feeling about you.” Master E looked sheepishly down at her feet. 

“Thank you, Master E.” Tina said and walked into the bedroom, pulled off her dress and shoes and opened the wardrobe. It contained all of Tina’s favorite clothes. She changed into her pajamas, crawled into the massive pink bed at the heart of the room, and promptly fell asleep. 

What a strange night…Tina thought as she drifted off to sleep.


	2. The Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before Tina can officially become Master E's companion, she has to pass a test.

Tina awoke the next morning, looked around her bedroom and managed to convince herself that the events of last night were a dream. She yawned, stretched, stood up and walked over to her private bathroom to relieve herself. 

There was only one problem: her bathroom wasn’t there. 

This was the piece of evidence against the Dream Theory, but Tina refused to acknowledge it. She pushed the door to her bedroom open and stared down the hall of doors. She wasn’t in her own mansion. 

Maybe she had gotten drunk and passed out and a friend had taken her to their mansion? But that wouldn’t explain what her bedroom was doing there or why she didn’t feel at all hungover. 

Unless...unless last night was real. Unless a mad scientist really did live here. Unless that same mad scientist had taken Tina home with her…

“Tina!” Someone said. Tina jumped and whirled around. It was Master E. 

“Oh my God! You’re real?” Tina shrieked. 

“You would not believe the number of times people have said that to me!” Master E said as if she were sharing an interesting fact. 

“Oh, I believe it.” Tina said dryly, eyeing Master E. 

The mad scientist was wearing a white T-shirt and jeans with a red leather jacket with one pink sleeve and one orange sleeve.   
“Anyway, go get dressed, grab some breakfast and we’ll get going!” 

“Going where?” Tina asked. “What do you even do?” 

“We’re going to go around to different dimensions, getting stuff that I need for experiments and showing you the world that’s been under your nose this whole time!” 

“It hasn’t been under my nose. It would have been impossible for me to access without you.” 

“I know that,” Master E said irritably. She breathed deeply, attempting to calm herself. “Okay. Let me show me where the kitchen is.” 

Master E led Tina down the grand staircase and out into the foyer where there were two massive doorways, one leading to a room with black and white tile that must have been the kitchen and the other leading to a white carpeted room, most likely the living room. Master E led Tina into the kitchen where a tall woman wearing a light blue dress and white apron that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a 1950s sitcom stood, frying something on the stove top. 

“Um, who is that?” Tina asked. 

“Oh, that’s just Patty.” Master E said. She pulled out a chair and sat down at the table. 

Tina vaguely remembered Master E talking to Patty the night before, when she had been trying to get into the house. 

“What is she?” Tina asked. Patty’s face was beautiful and her dark brown hair was styled well, but she seemed to fall somewhere on the uncanny valley.. She was almost human but not quite. 

“She’s an android. Her purpose is to keep this house from turning into a disaster zone and take care of me in the rare event that I should get sick, drunk or become otherwise unable to run this place.” 

Tina eyed Patty. Something seemed off about the android. Not just because she was an android either. Suddenly a voice interrupted Tina’s thoughts. 

“Master E, you are awake. I assume you are coherent. And you’ve brought back a new companion. Shall I scan her for any possible diseases or dangerous implants?” Patty had walked over to Master E and Tina. She was currently placing plates of pancakes and cheesy scrambled eggs on the table in front of them. 

“Yeah, but that can wait. We need to go on an adventure first. Gotta get the newbie warmed up and all that, you know?” Master E said lightly. 

“Are you sure that you wouldn’t like to know more about your new companion before taking her on an adventure? Information can be...beneficial.” 

“Ugh, fine. I’ll run her through a few routine questions.” Master E said as she turned to Tina. “Patty, record.” Patty opened her mouth wide and her eyes turned a bright green, the color of a laser at a laser tag game. 

“Please state your full name for the record.” Master E said in a formal voice. 

“Tina Christabel Jessen.” 

Master E stifled a giggle behind her hand. “Christabel? Really?” 

“Hey!” Tina said. “You’re the one whose middle name is Vonham.” 

“Touche ́.” Master E said. “What is your current occupation?” 

“I’m an actress.” 

“What is your favorite flower?” 

“Are these questions even related to-” 

“Answer me!” 

“Tulips!” Tina cried out. 

“Okay, good. Are you a dog person or a cat person?” 

“I love them both.” Tina said. 

“Life or death situation. You have to pick one.” Master E said seriously. 

“What kind of life or death situation involves that?” Tina questioned. 

“You’d be surprised.” Master E said, looking straight into Tina’s eyes. 

“Oh, fine. Dog person.” 

“Good job. We’re done.” Master E stood up from the table. “Now that you’ve passed the test, I have something to show you.” 

Master E walked out of the kitchen and Tina followed her uncertainly. She led her up the stairs and down the hall to a white door with a large, bright yellow sign whose black letters read “DERPINE CLOSET! KEEP OUT!”and a smaller sign that read “That means you, Master E.” 

“What’s Derpine?” Tina asked. 

“Dangerous chemical. I developed it a while ago to use against my enemies, but after a while I started using the stuff on myself. Hence this precaution.” She touched the doorknob lightly with one finger. Suddenly a light blue forcefield appeared around the door and sent Master E hurtling backwards against the railing of the staircase. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Master E said. She got up, clutching the railing for support. “Never go in there. And above all else, never let me go in there. Getting shocked isn’t exactly pleasant. Anyway, I think that’s enough housekeeping. We should get going on this adventure.” 

She pulled the blue bracelet from a pocket of her leather jacket and ran down the stairs. When she reached the bottom, Master E threw the bracelet like a Frisbee, and just like last night, it grew in size and cracking energy began to wisp within it. Master E grabbed Tina’s arm and pulled her towards it. 

“Wait, I’m not dressed!” Tina said. “I don’t want to go to another dimension in my pajamas!” 

Master E rolled her eyes. “Fine. Go get dressed. But be quick about it.” 

Tina raced upstairs and when she returned ten minutes later she was wearing a short, light purple dress and matching heels.   
“Okay, then now we can go! Onwards to adventure!” Master E shouted as she grabbed Tina’s arm and pulled her into the portal. 

Tina Jessen woke up lying on the ground in a sunny meadow. Her head ached and she wondered what had happened. All she remembered was Master E saying something about adventure and then she had woken up here. 

“Tina? Tina!” Master E was standing over her, looking panicked. 

“Master E?” Tina said. She got to her feet and pressed a hand to her aching head. 

“Headache?” Master E asked, holding out a small white bottle to Tina. The blue label read “Quarticol”. Tina took it gratefully and opened it. 

Master E slapped the bottle out of her hand. “Never take any pills I give you. What if I was drunk? These could have been drugs. They could have been poison!” 

“But-” Tina stammered. “What is this?” 

“It’s a test! To see how you’ll do at being my companion!” Master E began pacing in front of Tina. “I am going to present you with a series of challenges that you may have to face over the course of your time working with me. Being a companion is much more taxing than being an employee. You will have to be by my side constantly, attending to my every need, wish and desire.” 

“Wow, you really make this sound good.” Tina said sarcastically. 

“I know I do.” Master E said. She stopped pacing and turned to face Tina.   
“Your first test will be stopping me from drinking this Derpine!” Master E pulled out a beaker filled with a pale purple liquid. 

“Wait. Why should I stop you from drinking? You’re a grown woman. You should be able to make decisions on your own.” Tina said. 

A loud buzzer sounded. “WRONG!” Master E shouted. “You have to stop me from drinking the Derpine. In this scenario, I would have drank it and been bouncing off the walls from hours. You failed.” 

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted me to be your companion in the first place. What are you going to do if I don’t pass the test?” 

“I’m going to train you. But I think you’ll pass.” 

“How can you say that when I just failed the first test?” Tina asked. 

“You’ll see.” Master E said. Tina didn’t know what that meant and was too afraid to ask. 

Master E told Tina to follow her and they walked over to a football field, complete with stands and a track around it. 

“Now you are going to run a mile. I am going to time you. I have provided you with athletic clothes.” Master E said. 

“Okay.” Tina said uncertainly. They seemed to be jumping around in terms of subject but Tina was actually pretty athletic. She’d had to workout for almost two hours every day to maintain her physique. She walked over to Master E, who was standing next to a white dresser and a wooden changing screen.   
“Change into some better clothes and start running.” Master E instructed Tina. 

Tina went behind the changing screen, although she wasn’t sure why she was allowing Master E to push her around. This woman was a wacko, someone who couldn’t even function without support from someone else! She didn’t look particularly strong, in fact Tina was pretty sure she could snap her like a twig, and yet here she was, pushing Tina around like a shopping cart! Nevertheless, she changed into a white V-neck shirt and black shorts, stretched and got ready to run around the track. 

“On your mark!” Tina heard Master E’s voice blaring out of a megaphone. “Get set! GO!” 

Tina started running. She could hear a faint sound behind her and then- pew pew pew! 

Tina turned around to find Master E shooting at her with a lime green gun. Well, more like a blaster. 

“Are you shooting at me?” Tina asked, not breaking stride. 

“Rule number one of escaping a lunatic who’s shooting at you: don’t look back!” Master E yelled over the noise of the blaster and the wind whistling in Tina’s ears. 

Tina kept running and dodging the blasts, though a few came perilously close to burning her feet clean off. She didn’t think that Master E would really let her get hurt. 

But what do you even know about this person? A little voice spoke up in the back of her head. You just met her last night, when she kidnapped you and blew up your house. For Pete’s sake, Tina! You’ve lost it! You’ve gone crazy, almost as crazy as her! 

Tina didn’t slow down. If anything, she sped up. There had to be a way out of this mess. She would find a way out. If only she could get back to her home dimension… 

But, on the other hand, Master E was providing her with shelter, food, water and clothing, and Tina was in no position to pass that up. Plus, if Tina left, Master E might throw a hissy fit and accidently blow up an entire dimension. Best to stay and wait. It didn’t seem like a bad life, living in a giant mansion, eating whatever you wanted, sometimes going on adventures with a mad scientist. 

Tina stopped and panted, out of breath. She had finished running. Master E stood on the side of the track and handed her a water bottle. 

“Eight minutes. Good job.” Master E slapped Tina on the back. 

“Hey, I have a question for you.” Tina said. Master E looked up and turned to face her. 

“What’s up?” Master E asked. 

“Well, you’ve taken me here and you haven’t been as much of an asshole as you were last night so what changed your mind? What made you decide I was worth your precious mad scientist time?” 

“Last night, I was a little drunk. Drunk on my own bad decisions and really glad to have found someone I thought could be my companion. I just...overreacted. That’s why I was such a jackass. The more I want to be someone’s friend, the more I push them away.” 

“Wait, you’re telling me that the only reason you were mean to me is because you wanted to be my friend? That’s a load of crap!” Tina said angrily. “And don’t think that just because you gave me a room in your house that that makes up for all the crummy things you did!”

“I didn’t even do that much crummy stuff to you.” Master E retorted. “I’ve done way worse.” 

“That doesn’t erase everything you did to me! You blew up my house, you crashed my party, you got agents from some creepy organization following me and, lest we forget, you also kidnapped me!” 

“I know and I’m sorry but we need to move past all that. I have things to do, Tina Jessen and I can’t do them alone. Important things. But I need you to help me. I can barely function without help. You are very important to me.” 

“Don’t pretend like you could’ve picked me up of a lineup. You’re nuts and desperate. Of course you’re gonna spout a bunch of hooey about how “our souls are bonded” or “it was fate that I happen to crash your party and destroy your home” but I’m not going to believe it!” Tina turned around. “Give me back my dress and send me home!” 

“I can’t do that.” Master E said. Suddenly her voice was deadly serious and maybe just a little bit sad. 

“Why not?” Tina asked. 

“When I crashed your party, when I was acting crazy, like there were no consequences to my actions, that was me without a companion. Flailing, directionless, more chaotic than normal. It’s like being a kid and running away from home, just for one day. You’ve packed a little bag of clothes and cookies and you’re running out the door, saying goodbye to everything forever and maybe there’s some woods or something near your house and so you go to the woods and you live out there for a while until you get tired and go home.” 

“Okay but what does any of this have to do with-” Tina started but Master E put a hand up to silence her.   
“But when you’re running, you can feel the freedom running through your veins and the wind on your face and the sun and the sky are over you and it feels like it goes on forever, you feel free and high. Dangerously high. Untethered, and like you last forever, like your body isn’t all you are. What you’re feeling when you feel like that is what I feel all the time. Breathless freedom and endless energy. And, not surprising anyone, it’s really hard to work and focus when you feel like that 24/7. So I get people to keep me grounded, I call them companions. You’re not just a sidekick, you’re a highly valued part of the MESS!” 

“The mess?” Tina raised one eyebrow. 

“The Master E Support System! You are a very important part of it, companion! You’re the one who will keep me on track and out of trouble as we traverse the universe! Patty is another part, she keeps me out of trouble at home. And of course I have agents stationed all around the multiverse, ready to jump in and help me if things get really hairy.” She scanned the field from left to right, suddenly serious. “We should go.” 

“Why?” Tina asked, standing up. 

Master E didn’t have to answer; a man wearing overalls and holding a pitchfork was running towards them. Despite being far off in the distance, there was no mistaking the expression on his face: rage. Pure anger and hatred seemed to come off of him in waves, like heat on a summer’s day. 

Master E turned around to face him. “Hey, Ron! What can I do you for?” She said awkwardly. 

“You can get out of my dimension!” He yelled at her. 

“Ah, good sir. This is my dimension. I created it.” Master E leaned away from the pitchfork which currently had its sharpest tine just a few centimeters away from her neck.   
“You sold it to me!” The farmer said. 

“Do you have the deed on you right now?” Master E asked. Her voice had changed; it was smooth now. 

To Tina’s surprise, the man pulled a yellowed piece of paper out of the pocket of his overalls. Master E pulled out a magnifying glass and ran it over the bottom of the document. “Aha! It says right here that in the event that I should need to train one of my companions, this land will be completely open. That means that you-” 

Suddenly, the business end of a pitchfork was stuck though Master E’s chest. Tina screamed. The mad scientist was lying on the ground, a bleeding hole in her heart. 

“What are you going to do about it?” The farmer asked mockingly. 

Tina stood there for a second, too stunned to move. “So you’re upset because Master E is using a dimension that she sold you to train her companions, but in the contract it says that she can use this dimension to train her companions?” 

“Well, yes but-” 

“Then she didn’t do anything wrong! She was keeping with the contract! Look, I don’t know her that well and yeah, she’s probably done some amoral stuff in her life but that doesn’t mean you can just kill her!” 

Suddenly, Master E sat up. Tina screamed again. “What the hell? You’re supposed to be dead!” 

“I was faking! This was another part of the test, to see if you’d defend me or leave me. I’m glad you chose the former.”   
Tina marched over to Master E and kicked her in the side. “Why would you do that?” She punctuated each word with a kick. 

Master E stood up with a grin. “Good job, companion.” 

“You made me think you were dead in order to test me? You’re insane!” Tina shrieked. 

“Of course. If you weren’t companion material I’d have to send you back to your home dimension, rebuild your house and give you your old life back!” 

Tina’s eyes lit up. “Yes, please do that!” 

“But since you are companion material you get to stay here with me! We’re going to go on all kinds of adventures!” 

“What kind of adventures?” 

“Interdimensional ones. The Interdimensional Adventures of Master E and Tina Jessen!”


End file.
